think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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