so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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