Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
