I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
