I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
