Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
