yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
