How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
