Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
