I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
