I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
