I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
