Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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