I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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