GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
