i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it glows. i had to have it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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