You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
