Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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