ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
