I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
