My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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