if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
