So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
