I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
