mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
