how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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