just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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