And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
