It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
