How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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