Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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