Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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