Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
