as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
