I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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