Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
