After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
