You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
