$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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