Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
