alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
