I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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