just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
