Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
