There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
