you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
