So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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