I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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