and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
