The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
