Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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