Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
