the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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